Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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