how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My dick has a subreddit
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
