someone threw a dead crab at me
I bet he comes in French.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
