but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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