In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
