As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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