how can u be prego again
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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