he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
