Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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