I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
