I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
