you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
