hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
