my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
