Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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