I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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