he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
