Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
