You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
