I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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