dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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