I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
