Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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