i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
