And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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