I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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