his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
