Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
