after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
