my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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