I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
