Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
