someone threw a dead crab at me
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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