why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
