Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
