so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
