"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
