Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
