I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
How does one acquire holy water?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
