Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
