My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
