i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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