Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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