I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
