is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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