This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
