My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
