Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
