I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
