I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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