I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
