I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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