yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
