How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
